Lush
by Hiei666
Summary: You never know what Sesshy is doing when no one is watching. Well, aparently nothing good...accroding to people who hate. COMPLETE! HILARIOUS!
1. Chapter 1 The most wonderful smell

**Hello everyone, Hiei666 here and I have finally thought of a story to write that would be funny. We all know that Sesshomaru is a hot Demon puppy with little to be happy about. So what does he do to make himself feel happy? What does anyone do to feel happy? Wow, it's amazing what some people do in their privet lives. But I bet you never thought it would happen to everyone's favorite demon lord.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Inuyasha charicters. Note: I do not hate Inuyasha, I just love to see him squirm.**

**Sesshomaru, The Demon Lord Lush;**

**Chapter one:**

Kagome sighed. They were never going to stop, never, never, never. Kagome felt like her legs were going to fall off with all the traveling they do. Sango saw Kagome's state and thought it best to rest for a wile. "Inuyasha!" she shouted, "I think we should stop for a wile." Inuyasha looked at Sango, then at Kagome. He only went on like this to hide the fact that he himself was getting very tired.

"Fine," Inuyasha snorted, "we can rest here so the weak little humans can take a break from walking." Kagome looked up at Inuyasha and gave him a devilish glare. "Inuyasha…" Kagome sang. Inuyasha stopped in mid air and deeply regretted it.

"Sit." Inuyasha fell a good 15 feet from the air, right into the ground. He recovered after much muffling and cursing. After that, everyone enjoyed some nice stew that Sango said had been their family's recipe for generations.

Inuyasha stopped right in the middle of eating and sniffed the air. Kagome noticed his uneasy state and paused herself. Inuyasha instinctively took a defensive position as Sesshomaru stumbled out from the bushes, a happy looking Rin close behind him. Sesshomaru had a flushed look on his face. Inuyasha pulled out his sword and poised it at Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru fell over backwards and burst out laughing.

Everyone except Rin gave him a confused look. Rin just laughed along with him, though she too had no idea why. Sesshomaru pointed at Inuyasha and kept laughing his head off. Inuyasha took this as a threat for some reason and jumped up in the air only to drop right back down. "Sit." Kagome said calmly. Sesshomaru only laughed harder. Kagome walked over to him and saw a little red on Sesshomaru's features.

Kagome smiled. "He's a lush!" Sango looked confused. "Why on earth would Sesshomaru drink?" Sango asked. Miroku looked at Rin who simply shrugged.

"Rin just thought Sesshomaru-sama was really happy!" Rin said happily. Sesshomaru was sprawled on the ground gasping for breath. Kagome stood over him. Most people smelt sickly of alcohol when they are drunk, but Sesshomaru didn't smell like anything. Sesshomaru got up and staggered over to Inuyasha who just stood there. Sesshomaru whispered something into his ear which made him blink, then blush.

Shippo simply fell over with laughter. Sango looked over at him. "What did he say Shippo?" She asked. Shippo was not going to say anything, but Sesshomaru had no problem doing it.

"Why I simply congratulated him on finding such pretty women to travel with! The young girl is simply a marvelous catch, but I think the tall one has a more satisfying look, simply wonderful Inuyasha! Why I never would have thought it! And a demon slayer at that, I've never seen the dirt from that particular angle Inuyasha, how does it feel?" Sesshomaru asked without taking a breath.

Inuyasha quickly got up and was about to take a swing at Sesshomaru when he grabbed him by the shoulders and just burst into hysterics. Inuyasha had a blank face and looked strangely at his brother who was eyeing Sango. He got out of Sesshomaru's grip and watched as he stumbled forward. Sango was biting her bottom lip trying not to laugh as the self-conscious demon lord tripped over his own feet. Kagome started giggling and Sesshomaru suddenly got angry.

"Stop laughing!" Sesshomaru said strangely calm. "How would you like it if you were him, Inuyasha can't help but look a little funny and it really isn't his fault, well I guess he does look somewhat hilarious what with his twin brothers standing right next to him, hey how come I never knew about them Inuyasha your very own brother and you never told me, well I suppose they are also my brothers as well since they look so much like you, but how do they move without moving their feet?" Sesshomaru just kept saying strange things and Sango could no longer contain herself. She started laughing to her hearts content.

Sesshomaru walked over and held on to her shoulder for balance. He then proceeded to smell her hair getting an angry look from Sango and an interested look from Miroku. Sesshomaru acted as if he had just smelt the most wonderful thing in the world. Sango was about to slap him when Jaken ran out from the bush.

"Lord Sesshomaru I-…hello lord Inuyasha." Jaken said with a weird look on his face. Inuyasha backed up a bit. Sesshomaru put his arm around Sango and watched as Jaken came closer to a frightened Inuyasha. "It's been a long time, I've missed you Lord Inuyasha." Jaken said calmly.

Inuyasha shivered and pointed his sword at the little toad that was gradually coming closer. Kagome stared wide-eyed as Inuyasha looked like he was going to run for the hills. Jaken came closer and Inuyasha ran and hid behind Sesshomaru who didn't notice until Inuyasha poked his head from behind him.

"Hey, what are you doing back there, you were just over there, you really shouldn't confuse people like that Inuyasha, what if you never found your way back to the dirt?" Inuyasha gave him a cold glare and looked back at Jaken who hadn't yet turned around, but when he did, he gave Inuyasha a loving stare.

"LORD INUYASHA, I WILL ALWAYS BE YOURS! THERE IS NO NEED AT ALL TO RUN! COME LET'S RUN OFF TOGETHER!" Jaken yelled happily running towards Inuyasha who sprinted away, Jaken following close behind. Sesshomaru lowered his head and rested on Sango's shoulder; she looked at him with a confused expression. She was about to decapitate him for doing it when she realized, he was asleep. Kagome helped her in lowering him to the ground.

"I can't wait to see what he will act like in the morning." Kagome said. Sango looked at her with a smile. "I really think that should be the last of your worries."

Inuyasha quivered on a very high tree branch as Jaken circled the trunk below.

**Well, that was chapter one. Hope to update soon! R&R! please!**


	2. Chapter 2 A screaming Inuyasha

**Well, I am happy to say that this is the last chapter of Lush. It is so hard to find humor for this stuff. At first I didn't know how I was going to get the huggable puppy lord of the west winds to be funny, as we all know he would never crack a joke while he is sober, so I had to make him drunk. Now to reply to all those wonderful reviews!**

**(miloyed: **that is the funnest story i have ever read starts to laugh again keep up the good work ok.:D)

Thanks a lot! I am happy to say that many people find this story funny, but you are the first person to ever say that! I am very happy! I am also pleased that I was able to write something that you liked that much! Keep reading!

**(ravin-999: **that was hilarious! it's nice to see seshhomaru out of character every so often! please update soon!)

Well, I guess it was a good thaing I made him this way! I live to please! Well, I hope you have fun reading part two!

**(MidnightAbyss: **Hahahahaha! You should add more to this! Seriously! I think I like the idea of dying of laughter!)

I havethree things to say to you missy! ONE! I hope I spelled your pen name right...aparently I am not very good at doing that! TWO! Dieing of laughter does sound like the perfict way to go, you're right on the money! THREE!...I was lieing there is no three...I just want attention...

**(EVILkrazyMONKEYS: **AHAHAHA oh that's great, I do feel a bit concerned for Sesshy though, but it is still really funny.)

Thank you very much...I also can't hep but say I LOVE YOUR PEN NAME! I is funny...and I am easily amused!

**(Seine: **Wow... That is funny, a little confusing though, but funny... Wow, sesshy drunk... hehe, funny)

Either you didn't think it was all that funny because you said funny three times...or you couldn't think of anything else to say...or you liked it so much it was three times as funny as normal funny! If none of those was right...I won't be suprised...

**(RinsDarkMagician: **ahahahaha that was so funny! omg that was hilarious! please write a part 2!)

You know...It was you who made me acually want to write a part two...otherwise...I would have forgotten. So everyoe reading this...it is thatnx to this person that there is a part two!

**There done, now please R&R! This is the last chapter of this story!**

A Screaming Inuyasha

Inuyasha squealed. "Get him away from me!" He shouted. Jaken gave an ugly smile and hugged the tree. "Don't worry Lord Inuyasha, I will help you, and we will be together forever! I can leave that cold hearted beast and be with you."

"Achoo!" Sesshomaru sneezed. Kagome looked at him then began to worry. When was Inuyasha going to come back? Sesshomaru started to pet Sango's hair. She was getting annoyed. All of a sudden, Sesshomaru turned it into a full-on embrace leaving a stunned Sango.

"I JUST LOVE YOUR HAIR! It feels like water only it doesn't all whoosh away when I touch it, you are a goddess Miss Sango! I must say I never would have thought that a human could smell so good but you…I'm getting hungry, what is that stuff Inuyasha always seems to be lathering his taste-buds with…ramen? Yes that's the stuff, Miss Kagome, where can I find this…ramen?"

Kagome looked in the eye. "You want ramen?" Kagome asked evilly. Sesshomaru looked at her with a freaked out face. "Miss Kagome…I had no idea you could scowl like that…GOOD FOR YOU, every frown can have a smile however so it may be best for someone of your stability to keep on smiling. I may be drunk right now but let me assure you that even if I wasn't I would be smiling over your bloody graves!" Sesshomaru said cheerfully.

Kagome sweet-dropped. "Alright, well let's shut you up with some ramen." She said. Sesshomaru seemed to love the ramen and proceeded to pass out after swallowing it whole. The only problem, he still had Sango's kimono sleeve in a death grip.

Kagome went to find Inuyasha while Sango stayed with Sesshomaru. Sango kept herself occupied by listening to the very humorous things Sesshomaru said in his sleep. About half an hour later, he was still at it and the things he said just kept getting funnier. It was really hard to take the demon lord seriously when he was clinging to Sango's sleeve like a little kind and singing "It's a Small World After All" and not even getting the words right. Sango would have laughed so hard, but she had to contain herself so he would sleep. Seconds later, Sesshomaru darted up and was awake. He nearly took Sango with him, but the sleeve was just long enough. Sesshomaru was breathing really hard and looked at Sango with a frightened look. Then, out of nowhere, he slumped to the floor holding his head.

Sango looked at him. "Are you still drunk, Sesshomaru?" Sango asked. Sesshomaru lifted his head up. "Well, I am certainly glad I was, now I have the answer to the question, why the hell am I here." He said coolly.

"What woke you up anyway Sesshomaru?" Sango asked. Sesshomaru's eye twitched. He crossed his arms and a little red could be seen on his features. Sango looked intently at Sesshomaru for his answer. Sesshomaru sighed.

"I was being chased." He said. Sango looked at him with a strait face. "That isn't anything to be embarrassed about Sesshomaru, were you re-living something that happened when you were little?

Sesshomaru looked at her with his melted golden eyes and mumbled something under his breath. Sango leaned closer and Sesshomaru tensed.

"What did you say?" Sango asked sweetly. Sesshomaru swallowed and said it louder, but practically gagged when he said it. "By Jaken…" He said with a rising blush.

Sango bit her lip. Her lungs were at the point of bursting and tears came down her eyes. Sesshomaru looked at her with a frightened expression. "What the hell is the matter with you?" He asked backing away slowly. Sango had tears in her eyes because she could not laugh! Whatever happened she would not laugh, she must not laugh!

As if to answer her Inuyasha walked in with little green kiss marks and toad blood all over his face. Sango looked at Inuyasha and her eyes narrowed, this was all a dream; of coarse, all a dream! She decided to take advantage of this and walked over to Sesshomaru and sat down beside him. Sesshomaru looked at her with a scared look on his face. Sango French kissed him and went to bed.

Sesshomaru had a look of pure terror in his eyes and looked at Inuyasha who had wide eyes. "Did that just happen?" He asked. Inuyasha shrugged.

Sesshomaru then made a declaration. "I must still be drunk; there could be no other alternative!" Sesshomaru declared loudly. Sango could be heard from outside at the campfire. "Oh please, it's because you're hot, and you kept hitting on me when you were drunk!" Sango yelled from her sleeping bag.

All of a sudden, Jaken appeared at the doorway, Kagome fallowing close behind. "Inuyasha, Jaken here says you kiss so passionately…is it true?" She asked unsuccessfully trying to hold back a laugh. Inuyasha glared daggers at Jaken. "I though I killed you." He said in a dark tone. He was trying to act tough so Jaken would leave him alone.

Jaken ran up and hugged him and earned him a yelp from Inuyasha. Sesshomaru was at the point of laughing…and then he did. Inuyasha tried to pry the toad off but he wouldn't let go. Kagome started laughing and Inuyasha stared crying. "Why do you want me, Sesshomaru is the hotter brother!" Inuyasha cried.

Sesshomaru got up and left the hut…and then ran for Sango as Jaken realized his mistake and ran for Sesshomaru. Sango was sitting next to the campfire pinching herself to wake up, but it wasn't working. This was the most boring dream she had ever had. It got interesting however when Sesshomaru ran up to her and grabbed her by the shoulders and hoisted her up so he could hide behind her.

Jaken walked up to him and Sango. Jaken's eyes were shadowed and he kept walking towards the cowering Sesshomaru and the confused Sango. "Come on Lord Sesshomaru, you know and I know that you want me, so stop playing hard to get." Jaken said in a squeaky voice. Sesshomaru looked disgusted and Sango looked as though she would die of laughter. Sesshomaru suddenly got an idea and spun Sango around to face him and kissed her passionately on the lips.

Jaken gasped and gave a hurt expression. Sesshomaru kissed her for a lot longer then intended. Even after Jaken had run away crying and Inuyasha could be heard screaming in the distance.

**Haliluya! I am finally done with this story! It took me forever to figure out, but thanks to your reviews, I managed to perk it up a bit! I really hope you liked that! R&R plz!**


	3. Chapter 3 The very LAST chapter

**_Major note, you must READ! _**Alright People, for those of you who said that I should write a new chapter, then I will. But of course, these are the people who didn't listen when I said, THIS STORY IS DONE! Now, just so you guys know, this is defiantly the last chapter of this story! Thank you.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

**Chapter Three: The very last Chapter!**

Inuyasha jumped up into a tree once again. This was really weird. He had to find some way to get Sesshomaru away from Sango and with Jaken. Inuyasha waited for about five hours up in that dang tree before Jaken finally fell asleep.

(**Alright people, this is how the story ends. This is what happens to everyone.)**

First:

What happens to Inuyasha?

Well, while trying to convince Sesshomaru to be with Jaken and not Sango, he somehow managed to do so, not without loosing a few limbs, but it was worth it. Then Sesshomaru and Jaken were to be married, but then after Sesshomaru realized that it was not a dream "because dreams hardly last this long" he got really upset and left the poor Jaken at the Altar. Inuyasha of course was once again followed by Jaken who eventually forced Inuyasha to marry him because he was having Inuyasha's baby. This confused Inuyasha to the point where he gave up and married Jaken and all the while wondering why the mutant babies were never born. Then he lived a strange life and died at the age of 2009; an incredible feat for a half-demon.

Second:

What happens to Jaken?

Well, if you didn't pay attention, he fell in love with Sesshomaru after being tortured to no end by Inuyasha. But apparently, Sesshomaru only thought this a dream and left the poor toad to wallow in his grief alone at the altar. But then a thought hit him, Inuyasha! He ran as fast as his little legs could carry him back to Inuyasha who showed him little to no respect in his visit. Jaken then tried to court Inuyasha, but unfortunately, Inuyasha was not gay. Then Jaken sprouted another idea! Knowing his Inuyasha was not the brightest of the bunch, he slickly told Inuyasha that he was pregnant with Inuyasha's baby. That, needless to say, messed the half-demon up to a considerable amount. Then they get married and Jaken dies almost a week after he is married to Inuyasha. The killer is still unknown.

Third:

What happens to Kagome?

After seeing the love of her life Inuyasha get married to that stupid toad, she went into a depression for about five minutes before getting an idea. She fallowed Jaken home and killed him in his sleep, making sure not to leave any trails. She then left back into her time and later finished school and married some guy named Jeff and had a kid named Stanly who grew up to be the worlds best pop-tart maker and played in 2 ½ movies. Kagome died at the age of 79 and her husband died at the age of 32. He walked in on her while she was taking a bath and suddenly he was on the front page, we still don't know who killed him. If you have any answers…please notify this author.

Fourth:

What happens to Miroku?

After helping the local nuns find their inner slut, Miroku decided to work as a bartender for the worlds most screwed up bar. He was loved by all the women and most of the men and got married quite a few times. We are sorry to say that there were too many of them to count. He had approximately 68 children and none of them died at a young age. Every once in a while, he comes in contact with one or two of them, but that's because they were born freakishly smart and know were he lives. He makes a very dishonest living and tries to steel money from bums on the street to make him look cool to the nuns who get the money he steels. He then tried to be the president of a chess club but they didn't like his hair so they said no. (Silly, silly chess weirdo's) He died at the age of 43, refusing to get ugly by age.

Fifth:

What happens to Sesshomaru?

After leaving Jaken at the altar, he realized that he did, in fact, love Sango, this took him a few seconds to figure out after hitting the town twelve nights in a row at the most messed up bar in the world. He never went there again because the bartender hit on him every time he went there. After he went to see Sango, they got married the next day. This happened to be the same day Inuyasha and Jaken were getting married. Sesshomaru lived his life with Sango and the only time he fought with her was when he refused to buy a lawn gnome. They freaked him out, he wasn't buying. Then, they had a child named Leaf who became the new lord of the western lands and took after his father and adopted a little girl named Min. Sesshomaru died at the age of…well no one really knows if he died or not…he's a pretty privet guy. As for Sango, she died at a good age of 105! She was a wonderful mother too… (Sniff)

Sixth:

What happens to Shippo?

No one really knows what happens to Shippo…after he single handedly beat the leader of the rapid chipmunks…no one has heard of him since…

Lastly:

What happens to Koga?

I know, I know, he wasn't in this story, but I still want to put this little thingy in for our favorite bad-ass wolf! Well, after he found out that the leader of the rapid chipmunks had been destroyed, he joined forces with the rapid squirrels and soon became their leader. He died at 6004 years and was buried with all the brave squirrels that lost their lives to the squirrel-chipmunk war. He died after getting a horrible disease called rabies. Apparently some jack-ass chipmunk bit him. The squirrels where infuriated and the war continued. A new leader was formed, so don't fret, but there isn't a squirrel alive who could replace there wonderful leader Koga…

**Well, people, for those of you who DO read this little note, I AM done with this story. I just feel bad for the people who thought it was done, but then again, those were the people who PAIED ATTENTION! This is the absolute LAST chapter in this story, THERE WILL BE NO MORE! **


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